Chuck Ryor

Have you read about the NFL football player (Buffalo Bills WR Stevie Johnson) who last week gave glory to God for his spectacular catch and this week Tweeted God angrily when he dropped a potential game-winning touchdown catch in the end zone?  Check this out…

@StevieJohnson13

“I PRAISE YOU 24/7!!!!!! AND THIS HOW YOU DO ME!!!!! YOU EXPECT ME TO LEARN FROM THIS??? HOW???!!! ILL NEVER FORGET THIS!! EVER!!! THX THO…”

Before you get too self-righteous with the brother and attempt to take the speck out of his eye, make sure you do a complete inventory and get the log out of your own.  I know I have to.

It does take a special kind of brazenness for Johnson (and me) to make any demands of God.  Just this morning I was talking with God about my unwillingness to forgive a brother who hurt me and I wrote, “I won’t be free from bitterness and un-forgiveness until I see my sin and your grace in their true proportion.  My sense of entitlement will fall away in light of the magnitude of your grace extended to me.”

I’m embarrassed to admit that I get angry with God for not allowing me to succeed.  Stevie Johnson and I apparently have the same demon attacking us – the North American Christian “Demon of Entitlement.”   This mentality convinces Stevie & me that God owes us for something we think we’ve done that obliges Him to act on our behalf.  We’ve been taught, believed and completely assented to a version of Christianity that says God is here to help us get what we want or think we deserve.  Entitlement says, “God is the means for us to achieve our dreams and reach our redemptive potential,” or some variation of self-serving yet sanctimonious verbiage that actually makes our using God to our ends sound right and Biblical.

I have to repent of this today.  Thanks to Stevie Johnson for being willing to express outwardly what so many of us think inwardly.  I pray that this will bring all of us to a place where we can collectively apologize to our Heavenly Father and make a determination that because of His grace we will turn from this perspective. As a result, we hopefully will rejoice in our sufferings and failures (as well as our successes) because He has allowed all of them to bring honor and glory to Himself.  We may not realize why (as Johnson clearly exclaims, “You expect me to learn from this???  How???!!!), but I’m glad that God is patient enough to endure when we start acting like spoiled teenagers.

We owe God a debt we could never repay.  However, Jesus paid it all.  So, all to Him I owe.  “By your grace, Father, enable us to look at how our sin hurts and offends you so we can fully appreciate your grace and abandon any sense we have that you owe us anything.”

¹ Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ,  ² through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God.  ³ Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;  ⁴ perseverance, character; and character, hope.  ⁵ And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. ⁶ You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly.  ⁷ Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die.  ⁸ But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

ROMANS 5:1-8

¹ There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:
³ a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build,
⁷ a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak,
⁸ a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:1, 3, 7-8

My wife and I have logged enough time at marriage retreats to know that I’m not the most tender guy in the world when it comes to confrontation.  Hence, for the past 20 years of wedded bliss I’ve had to work extra hard to be careful with how I speak to my wife.  In learning to do this, I’ve recognized that Jesus applied this same relational concept to his friendships with other men.  He might tell them the truth, but he did so graciously.  And the Scriptures are the final authority on what Jesus was and how he dealt with people.  And Jesus is the definitive rule of what a REAL MAN is.

I think there is a time to tell someone a difficult truth.  But I think Scripture mandates that the truth be told to them not only “in love” but “lovingly.”  The distinction is important because some “MAN UP” Christians have forgotten that how you say something is often as important or more important than what you say (even when you say it to another man).  If you want to be heard, if you want a brother to repent, than you’d better be sure that they know you’ve really got their best interests at heart.

Confronting a brother “strongly” assumes a couple of things:  (A) They have explicitly given you permission to do so, or (B) They are long-time friends with you and so their permission is implicit and/or  (C) You have some role of “authority” in their life that gives you said permission to be that strong.  In the absence of these general guidelines, if you come into the conversation with guns a blazin’ and your emotions and anger all over the place, you may win a battle but lose the war.  In other words, the onus is on you to be careful how you confront and tell hard truths.

Being gentle in your confrontation of your brothers does at least two things:

1. Allows the Holy Spirit to bring real conviction, not emotionally manipulated guilt.
2. Allows the response of repentance to be the result of grace and not a socially pressured attempt to impress you with behavioral modification.

The reality is that you and I are weak.  We don’t have the strength apart from Jesus to “MAN UP.”  Our strength is in Him – His righteousness, His power, His presence, His paternal pride.  Apart from knowing these gospel realities with genuine depth, our “MAN UP” talk will come with and produce the full compliment of bad fruit:  idolatry, hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy.

¹Here is a trustworthy saying: If anyone sets his heart on being an overseer, he desires a noble task. ²Now the overseer must be above reproach, the husband of but one wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, ³not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money.

1 Timothy 3:1-3

I purposefully waited to write this until the end of this two-part writing:  I am an athletic type who loves to watch MMA with my boys.  I think it’s cool when they play football and hit someone so hard that a helmet flies off.  I’ve been married for over 20 years and still love having sex with my wife.  I want my daughter to marry a guy who would take a bullet for her and discipline their children if they give her any grief at all.  I want men to be men and my boys to be masculine.

However, I want to be careful how I teach men about this and how we define masculinity so as not to injure someone just because their bedroom doesn’t smell like a high school boys locker room.  I think how we communicate these truths is an issue of being above reproach as a Christian, a leader and in my case, a pastor.  Not simply because I think Jesus is the picture of masculinity, but also because Jesus said they would know we are Christians by the love we have for one another.

⁵ The reason I left you in Crete was that you might straighten out what was left unfinished and appoint elders in every town, as I directed you. ⁶ An elder must be blameless, the husband of but one wife, a man whose children believe and are not open to the charge of being wild and disobedient. ⁷ Since an overseer is entrusted with God’s work, he must be blameless—not overbearing, not quick-tempered, not given to drunkenness, not violent, not pursuing dishonest gain. ⁸ Rather he must be hospitable, one who loves what is good, who is self-controlled, upright, holy and disciplined. ⁹ He must hold firmly to the trustworthy message as it has been taught, so that he can encourage others by sound doctrine and refute those who oppose it. – Titus 1:5-9

When a Church is planted there is usually only one Pastor/Elder.  But the encouragement from Paul to his protege Titus was to appoint Elders in every city and church.  We can only assume that he meant as soon as it is possible to do so.  Which begs the question, “When will Prism have Elders?”

When will we have Elders?

The short answer to this question is, “We’ll have Elders when we have Elders.”  In other words, when we have men acting like Elders in the church, we’ll then take the initiative to train them to be an official part of the body of Elders.

The danger in prematurely placing people into leadership before you see their gifts in action is that you don’t know what you’re getting if you appoint them and then hope they’ll start acting like an Elder.  I’ve served in churches where Elders were appointed because they had money, they had “influence,” they understood deep theology, or some other standard that is never listed as part of the characteristics which should mark an elder.

I once served with two elders who had both been to seminary but confessed that they’d never shared their faith with a non-believer.  This is dumbfounding to me.  Additionally, their homes were in disarray and their kids were estranged from them emotionally (some spoke openly of their distrust of their parents who were in leadership).  These same elders didn’t come to prayer meetings, their devotional lives were sporadic at best, and they were contentious.  You have to wonder what made someone think it was a good idea to give them the title of “Elder” or “Shepherd” of God’s people.

Don’t get me wrong, our Elders will have to know their stuff theologically.  The difference is that we’re only going to appoint Elders who are already leading our mission communities, attending prayer meetings, teaching Scripture to others and passionate about ministry to those who don’t know Jesus.  Theological training is something we can take someone through.  Being a “minister” or “shepherd” of God’s people is a gift that a potential Elder will already be exercising in their home, church and community.  And this will take place long before they are considered for a role where they influence the direction of the church as a whole.  These characteristics are the fruit of a mature Christian’s life and evidence that they are continuously remaining in the vine of fellowship with Christ.

“The elders who direct the affairs of the church well are worthy of double honor, especially those whose work is preaching and teaching.” – 1 Timothy 5:17

That’s why we can say, “We’ll have Elders when we have Elders.”  The starting point will be seeing who begins leading mission communities over the next couple of years.  Until then, the Acts 29 Network pastors in our area have installed me as the Teaching Pastor/Lead Elder with the responsibility of training other Elders to shepherd the flock at Prism Church.  I am accountable to the Network’s theological standards (see http://www.acts29network.org/about/doctrine) and the Prism Church Advisory Team comprised of A29 Pastors and Elders from other churches.  We also have a corporate board of men and women who oversee our finances.  The long term goal is that these accountability mechanisms will be comprised of men and women from Prism Church.  Until then, we’ll pray and trust that God will provide genuine shepherds for His people.

¹¹But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness.” – 1 Timothy 6:11

The new LITE Beer commercials are really stupid.  And they’re not funny, which is a greater sin in my judgment.  I can deal with dumb as long as it makes me laugh.  I’ve seen funny commercials and these are not.  However, they do capitalize on the “MAN UP” craze that is even finding its way into the parlance of church culture.  I have some concerns, particularly as I’ve seen this mentality attempt to masquerade as a defense for bone-headed behavior and unkind treatment of others.

There is something inherently self-righteous about much of the testosterone-laced, “MAN UP” message of many Christian leaders, and I’m troubled by it.  Why?  Because I think that the nature of how it is often being communicated contradicts the humility and gentleness of Christ.  It also can and does send presumptuous and extra-Biblical messages about what true masculinity is.

Worse yet, the “tough talk” can confuse Christians about what should motivate them to be the men God wants them to be.  Should we stand strong and be the God-ordained servant-leaders we’re called to be because we’re naturally capable of doing so?  Or do we do so because Jesus has already done this for us in the Gospel, not through any power within ourselves to muster up more “manliness”?

And for the record, I’m not talking about anyone person specifically, rather this is something I’ve seen across denominational lines in evangelical Christianity.  And I understand the concern which has caused the “MAN UP” reaction inside the church.  It is feared that some aspects of culture have put considerable pressure on men to be less than masculine.

More specifically, if you still contend that gender roles at home or in church are not a bad thing (and are a Biblical thing), you are characterized as a chauvinist and patriarchal oppressor of women.   I’ve also experienced the frustration of dealing with so-called Christian men who let their families suffer under their laziness and apathy, losing job after job because they weren’t “happy” and didn’t want to work to take care of their loved ones.

However, God cannot be mocked and we will reap what we sow.  Any time we appeal to the boastful pride of life to motivate people to obedience, we’re going to get sinful fruit.  And I’ve seen three negative manifestations of this type of “MAN UP” tough talk to Christian men:

1. Despair from men who don’t “feel” they have it in them to be the MMA-type, proud “Davidic” brawler that many others in Christian leadership ‘appear’ to be.  The inference they’re drawing is that if you’re into art and design and not sports & hunting, that you’re a ninny.  If you really hate arguing about theology you must not really love Jesus.  If you’re not a complete jerk who says hard things to people without any concern for how you say it, then you’re not manly.  Incidentally, men who are temperamental and angry aren’t necessarily tough or manly.  They’re actually quite “boy-ish.”
2. Division from men and women outside of our movement who – I hope – are misinterpreting the apparent machismo as a form of self-righteous arrogance.  Our critics (often brothers and sisters in Christ) think that we believe that how tough we talk is now the measure of a man.  They should understandably be concerned if that is, in fact, what we’re saying.
3. Pride from men who think that because they’ve responded to the “Man Up” message that they are superior to those who struggle with a same-sex impulse or a lifestyle of letting their wife work full-time so they can stay home and play X-Box and write music.

My biggest concern is the pride I see in some pastors.  Sometimes these sad voices are short guys who weren’t very good with the ladies in school, but now have their own “Theological Revenge of the Nerds” going on.  Beating people up theologically and/or emotionally is how they get to feel tough for the first time in their lives.  Sadly, self-appointed “I confront” people live in a make believe world where they are respected enough to be listened to.  They don’t realize that everyone around them quit listening to them long ago because they didn’t respect them and it’s getting worse with each demonstration.

¹As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. ²Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. ³Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. – Ephesians 4:1-2

Unfortunately, spiritually immature or emotionally stunted men are generally poor at discerning when it’s time to talk tough and when it’s time to ratchet back their rhetoric.  It is said of Jesus that “a bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick will he snuff out.”  (Matthew 12:20)  Yet, so often what is implied in the “MAN UP” conversation is that real men love you enough to say hard things to you in a hard way – the way men do, right?  “After all,” it is implied, “Jesus opened up a can of whoop-@$$ every now and again, didn’t he?  Real men act like jerks sometimes and now we have a Biblical license to not worry about it, because it’s who God made us to be.  Yee-hah!”

I’m proposing a new line of thinking that I believe is more consistent with the command of Jesus to be humble and the example of Jesus to be gentle (“gentleness” is a fruit of the Holy Spirit, not a sensitivity measure on your “Gay-dar”).  I’m calling this counter-proposal, “MAN DOWN.”  Real men get down on their face before God and others.  After all, Jesus wrote about turning the other cheek, right?

Real men put the needs of their wife and children before their own need to call the shots and be in charge.  Hence, Paul says we’re to lay down our lives for them, sacrificing as Christ did for the church.  Real men are humble, gentle, sensitive and kind.  They fight proud, religious, arrogant and obstinate hypocrites (as did Jesus, Peter & Paul), but they don’t beat up men who are broken and frightened, abused by their parents and confused about gender roles because they never had a dad.  That’s not tough – that’s just being a bully.  Nothing could be further from what Jesus calls us to.

I’ll write more next week about how we practically “MAN DOWN” and be Biblically masculine.

“¹Here is a trustworthy saying: If anyone sets his heart on being an overseer, he desires a noble task. ²Now the overseer must be above reproach, the husband of but one wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, ³not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. ⁴He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect. ⁵(If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?) ⁶He must not be a recent convert, or he may become conceited and fall under the same judgment as the devil. ⁷He must also have a good reputation with outsiders, so that he will not fall into disgrace and into the devil’s trap.” – 1 Timothy 3:1-7

The short answer to the question about who is leading Prism Church is, “Jesus.”  We aim to follow His lead.  That said, His word (the Scriptures) give us a picture of how He intends to lead us through the church.  The long answer is that God leads His church, the bride of His son Jesus, through a plurality of Elders.  This begs the question, “How and when are Elders appointed?”

So, let’s take a quick look at “How” and then next week we’ll look at the “When.”

“Paul and Barnabas appointed elders for them in each church and, with prayer and fasting, committed them to the Lord, in whom they had put their trust.” – Acts 14:23

How are Elders Appointed?

Elders are appointed by other leaders.  Elders are those in the community who are committed to prayer and the teaching of Scripture.  Through their efforts to shepherd people they will be discovered to be Elders and appointed to that role.  As opposed to an ecclesiology (fancy word for Church governance) that picks leaders based on their cultural influence (power or money), or elected by a congregation based on popularity, Scripture directs us to look at the life of an Elder to see if they are already manifesting the characteristics of a shepherd.  Once that is verified, the process of training them to be an Elder can begin.

Here are some characteristics that we’ll be looking for in Elders (the basis of which is 1 Timothy 3:1-7):

• Hungry – Are they hungry for the things of God?  Do they have a passionate devotional life?  Do they regularly share their faith with non-believers?
• Humble – Are they teachable?   Do they have someone who is mentoring them?
• Hospitable – Do they regularly have people in their home?  Do others feel loved by them?  Do the people in their own home feel loved by them?

Once we see that they manifest the characteristics of someone who is a shepherd of people’s hearts, then we begin the process of training them to function in the role of an overseer.  At that stage we double check their doctrine, their commitment to our mission and their general fitness for being a leader of God’s people.  This also happens to be where the congregation chimes in.

60 days before we install an Elder (which is a role they stay in until they resign or are asked by the other Elders to step down), we will put their name before the church.  If any member of the church feels they have reason to question the “Biblical” qualifications of a particular Elder candidate, they can approach an existing Elder and express that concern.  The Elder will in turn communicate that concern to the other Elders and a determination will be made as to whether the issue is legitimate and requires further discussion or action.

Assuming that the candidate is not disqualified, the Elders will ordain them to the office in the presence of the congregation.  Doing this in front of the congregation is critical because the congregation is committing to respecting that Elder.  As well, the ceremony reaffirms the congregation’s deference to the leadership body that God has ordained to be the final authority on matters of doctrine and practice in the church.  Hence, installing an Elder is a serious matter because everyone from the Lead Pastor to the youngest member of the church agrees to submit to the plurality of leaders as it pertains to issues of the church.

“¹⁷Obey your leaders and submit to their authority. They keep watch over you as men who must give an account. Obey them so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no advantage to you.” – Hebrews 13:17

In Part 2 we’ll discuss “When” we’ll have Elders.