The Sad Reality of the “Cool Mom”
My favorite scene in the movie “Mean Girls” is the one where Amy Poehler makes her entrance as the “Cool Mom” who would prefer that her daughter and friends drink in her house if they’re going to party. She’s “not like other moms…I’m the cool mom.” Apparently, the incomparable Tina Fey (screenwriter for Mean Girls) is a prophet of sorts. “Cool moms” are a growing segment of our population.
I generally want to scream when I see, read or hear news features like last month’s ABC News piece entitled, “Safer Sex? Some Parents Allow Their Teens to Have Sex Inside Family Home.” (http://abcnews.go.com/US/parents-teens-sex-family-home/story?id=13898548) Now, I’m a preacher and the stereotypical preacher response to this article might be to criticize the downward slide of culture or the unhealthy influence of the Girls Gone Wild videos, MTV, or other pop culture phenomenon.
But this story (and the “cool mom” phenomenon) demonstrates the heart of the problem…the parents. There is no question that the problem starts at home. When parents have lost their way there is no way they can direct their kids. And clearly these “cool parents” haven’t a clue about the gift of restraining grace.
What do I mean?
I suppose it a fortuitous that today is my dad’s 76th birthday. His discipline and stern warnings were often the only things that I could hear over the noise of my youthful temptations to get crazy. Without his presence in my life, I would’ve gotten in more trouble than I did – which was quite a bit anyway.
Regarding sexuality, when I was in high school I was your typical young man with raging hormones. Most of the time, the only thing standing between ongoing sexual activity and me was the absence of opportunity and/or location. Most girls don’t/didn’t want to fool around in the back seat of the car and my parents house was usually not an option (understatement of the year).
As parents ourselves, my wife and I don’t allow our high school students to go into the house of a young man or woman if their parents aren’t home. Why? Because we don’t trust our kids in that situation. Huh? That’s right, my teenagers (all three of them and most every other teen I’ve met in 20 years of ministry to young people) aren’t mature enough to manage their hormones alone in a house with someone to whom they’re sexually attracted. So, we assist them by not allowing them to get into these situations. If it insults our teenage kids that we don ‘t yet trust them to control themselves, too bad.
I don’t trust myself in many situations. You won’t see me hanging around strip clubs or going out for drinks with women who aren’t my wife. It’s not because I’m “holier than thou,” but precisely because I am 100% human and don’t think putting myself in these circumstances is wise given my inherent selfish and sinful nature. Does it insult you to put yourself in this category of the weak? Do you imagine that you are standing strong and therefore you’re able to withstand any temptation? Check out this advice from the Apostle Paul:
“So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall! No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.” – 1 Corinthians 10:12-13
If parents don’t see themselves as still in need of assistance, direction, protection, etc., it is unlikely that they’ll see their kids as that needy. As well, if adults don’t see the blessing of having someone hold you accountable, they clearly have never known an addict. I love it when recovering alcoholics or drug addicts join our church. Why? Because they have such a clear understanding of human weakness and are usually past the point of pride that would keep them from humbly seeking help.
It is a blessing – not a burden – to be somehow prevented from following your most natural (yet potentially destructive) impulses. When parents give permission to their kids to engage in sinful and/or irresponsible conduct under their own roof, they are removing a significant impediment to reckless behavior. And these parents usually allow this not to protect the young person or encourage responsibility, but rather so the parent can be liked or “cool.”
Parents are called to be God’s grace of restraint and caution to our children. We’re to provide a way out so they can stand up to the temptation. To not be willing to do so because of our own need to be liked is not cool. It’s just sad.
